Women, Men, And The Politics Of Weight And Dating
Let’s face it. No one wants to date a fattie. Deep down, in the darkest, most raw, honest corners of people’s hearts and minds, we all want to date and marry a supermodel, or at least a good-looking man or woman.
And good-looking, in the 21st century, means thin. The thin craze started in Western Europe and America around the 19th century, when a shift from buxom. Zaftig women to leaner bodies began to take hold.
Think about it. If you look at the famous European paintings of women from the 16th, 17th and 18th centuries, they are all, shall we say, ample.
But in the 19th century things started to change, so much so that the word “diet” crept into American women’s self-help books.
The preference for lean bodies was less prevalent in the developing world, where a hefty belly indicated that you had more than enough to eat, and thus it conveyed status and power.
But even that dynamic has begun to change. In many countries in Africa now, obesity is beginning to be looked down upon as a sign that one can’t control oneself.
As a case in point, the United States is the most obese country in the world, followed in 2nd place by the UK. But the 3rd country is not in Europe. Instead it’s Mexico, one of the largest countries in the developing world.
So the whole world has thin fever.
Here’s where it gets interesting though. The stereotype was always that men were superficial, and all they cared about was the looks of a woman. They wanted their ladies to be thin and pretty.
But the truth is, women are the exact same damn way.
I know, because I’ve been on both ends of the weight spectrum, and the way my potential female mates treated me varied tremendously depending on just exactly where I was tipping the scales during our encounter.
I’m 5’9”, and when I was 165 pounds of ripped lean muscle, women were more than happy to jump into bed with me regularly, or at least to agree to a 2nd online or Tinder date.
But when life threw me some curveballs and I turned to food for comfort, my weight ballooned to 210 pounds.
Lo and behold, the women disappeared. Every OKCupid of Tinder date I went on, the chemistry was always great. At least that’s what I thought, because I’m an engaging guy, I love women, and I love hearing them talk and listening to them.
Yet whenever I inquired about a 2nd date, the answer was always “no, sorry, I just didn’t feel any chemistry.” Which is shorthand for “you’re fat, and I’m not attracted to you.”
Add to this the phenomenon of people using outdated profile photos from when they were 30 lbs lighter for their dating profiles, and you have a veritable cornucopia of lies, deception, disappointment, and disgust.
For guys, the warning signs are easy to detect when we look at online dating photos. If a woman doesn’t have at least one clear, full-body shot, you know she’s hiding something, and it’s usually her weight.
I’m guilty of deception too, so I freely admit I’ve contributed to the misery. My photos on the dating sites are all from when I was 165 lean pounds, with some gym shots of me flexing my biceps thrown in.
I know I should update the pics to reflect my current, much heavier appearance, but I also know that would mean I would barely ever get an online response. Because most people, and yes this includes women, want to date a thin, attractive person. It’s just human nature. That’s why models date other models, and why 300 pounders date each other. It’s just natural selection.
Now I’m not saying love and romance is all about appearance. But let’s be honest, it’s a big part of it.
It’s true that there are some people who are willing to look beyond weight and date a heavy person because they see their inner beauty. Or whatever.
But as we move to an ever thinner, fitter society and world at large, the pressure to be fit mounts, and no one wants to be seen as dating a whale. It just, well, it just looks bad, and it reflects badly on you too. It makes people think you couldn’t do better.
The one exception of course is men with money or power. There will always be beautiful thin women lined up to date these men, so that the women can live a lifestyle they’d never be able to otherwise.
The obvious signature example is our current President, the 239 pound Mr. Trump, who is married to his gorgeous former model wife Melania. I mean do we really believe she was attracted to his good looks, and the 23 year age gap between them? I don’t think so, and neither does anyone else.
In the end, weight matters. A lot. And it matters to women just as much as men. I’m tired of women complaining about how all men want to date models and hotties. So do you, ladies! So do you.
Now I personally don’t believe in fat shaming, and as a current heavy (fat?) person myself, I wouldn’t like it if someone made fun of me. I do wish there was a woman out there that could see past my stomach roll to my intellect and inner soul.
If there is, though, I haven’t found her yet, at least not in the online dating world. Or at a bar. Or a coffee shop. Or the gym. Or just about anywhere else I’ve tried to meet women.
So what’s the answer? For me, I can blame women for being superficial and cry woe is me, or I can start dieting, go to the gym more, and make it my mission to get back in shape. I know that if I do I’ll regain immense confidence, and the dating options will open up once again.
So that’s what I plan to do. Because if thin and fit is the name of the game, then that’s what I have to do. I mean honestly, why deny human nature, for both women and men?
Just get in the game, get in shape, and do it. You’ll look better, feel better, meet more people, and ultimately you’ll be happier.
So who wants to meet me at the gym tomorrow? I’ll even bring a pre-workout kale-leek smoothie. How’s that for motivation?